Lights out!

A couple weeks ago I was staying at my parents house in upstate New York with the kids while Scott was in California at the Supernatural School of Worship. Where we live in Virginia, there is always a light on, it’s a large suburban area. In contrast, New York can seem really dark at night. One night I was in my parents’ king size bed with Sylvia (5yrs old) and Ezra (3 yrs old). This was our sleeping arrangement while visiting. Around 11pm there was a storm going through the area and the power went out and along with it the night light. Suddenly the room was pitch black. Sylvia, my night owl, was awake and began to freak out. I held onto her and tried to comfort her but it didn’t help. For fifteen minutes she squirmed and fussed irrationally about not being able to see, begging me to turn on the flashlight. She was in a panic. It didn’t matter that I was right there or that we were just going to sleep. She wanted to be able to see!

After Sylvia fell asleep God showed me that I often act like she did when the lights went out. As soon as I can’t see the answers I begin to panic. I feel like I’m no longer on solid ground or that God is not there and certainly not aware of my needs. He reminded me of something I often tell my kids- nothing changes in the dark. When I lose sight of things, whether it’s control of the situation or inability to see the answer, it doesn’t mean the answer is not there or that He is not working for my benefit. When life gets dark He wants to hold us and assure us He’s still there, but like Sylvia did, we often demand more. We want immediate answers. We want instant results. But, God is more concerned with our hearts and where the roots of our faith lie. And it’s good that He is, because life does get dark at times and things won’t always go our way. In good times or bad, He is faithful to make everything work for our benefit.

So it's begun

The start of a new season is the end of another. For years I've struggled between the realities of what I can do and what I want to do. What is possible, what I dream about and just how large is the gap between? Can I manage to cross what could possibly be a great divide? Maybe the mystery leap is something totally possible with small, careful steps (??).

"Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path." (Psalm 119:105)

It was a scripture that seemed more like Mom's chicken noodle soup than anything else. Sure it comforted me but I had no idea how this hot liquid food made me feel safe at home or what this meant until one day I was told that in biblical times the shepherd's would walk with a lamp at their feet for seeing where they stood, and a light on the end of a pole for seeing where they were walking towards. In between these lights - darkness. Uncertain steps unless you had seen where you are going and where you stand.

I find myself a recent graduate from the Bethel School of Supernatural Worship in Redding, CA after quitting my corporate, all-consuming job. Bethel has always been a place close to my heart. They have a community there that functions as a culture of honor where the expectation of God is that He is in a good mood and is looking to release mercy upon all creation. I took a month out of the normal rhythms of life to learn more about who I am and what worshiping God really means. In order for me to quit the j-o-b and to get me to California we needed an estimated 5 thousand dollars for bills, tuition, food, travel & lodging. After about $400 came in we made the decision to go and shortly after about half the total sum came in - enough to buy airline tickets, tuition and lodging. We made the travel arrangements and paid for them without our bills or food money in sight. Within the week everything came in for us to have all we needed. This uncertain step was made with a safe-landing on what we felt God had said - "go".

There are dreams in my heart that have come true as husband, father and son and others that have yet to be fulfilled. Charissa and I have agreed that the season was upon us to launch out into the desires of our hearts. No more time for uncertainty and leaning upon the wisdom of men. No more time gauging the proverbial darkness in between who I am and where I'm going. It's time to step out on the promises we've been given. I know I will be in the studio, in the church, outside the church and my call is singular - to prepare the way for the Lord. All the details haven't been sorted but the pursuit has never been more sure. If you like to read about ordinary folks stepping into the unknown to see them become who they are made to be, then this is a place for you.