Receiving Presents

Ever since I was three I remember loving God.  As I grew up and became an adult this love remained but I lost the sense of how to spend time communing with Him. I chased God. I prayed and read my Bible.  I worshiped.  I even fasted from time to time whenever crisis or desperation got deep enough.  However I rarely, if ever, would turn my heart towards His Presence to receive without an agenda.  God didn't need me but I sure needed Him.  I've got to do something.  Reflecting back, my reasons for seeking God usually came from some sort of required obedience, or a desire for change.

My youngest posing on his 3rd birthday...eager to open presents.

It was after hearing a teaching one night that I started to understand what my posture before God was missing.  The teaching basically said that when two people kiss there isn't room for a conversation.  Think about that.  Something has got to give. You can't have a conversation and receive a kiss at the same time.  If your mouth (or your mind in this case) is always moving then there's little chance you'll receive the gift of affection pouring out on you.  I’ll take it in another direction.  If you have two full cups of water and try pouring them into one another at the same time what happens?  There's a mess and neither glass got what the other was pouring. One glass has to be positioned to receive.  One has to be positioned higher and the other lower.  I always came humble before God but there lies the problem - I was always pouring out and didn't understand how much He was pouring in.

So I decided I was going to posture to receive.  Practically this looked like me just sitting still and letting God love on me. This doesn’t sound revolutionary but something profound happened in that moment.  My heart began to be filled with wordless affirmation.  My mind began resting and slowly receded from doing something - working for love - and shifted to receiving the love I was feeling.   Could it be that God was always pouring out this way?  Was I so set on giving that I had lost the ability to receive?  

How do you receive a gift at Christmas?  Do you sit there and process the gift, happy to just know what’s in the box without opening it?  If you want what's in that box it never even crosses your mind to leave the present unopened.  “That’s jewelry.  I've always wanted diamonds. Ok, thanks for the gift.  I understand that I have jewelry now.  No need to wear it or show it to anyone else.  The gift you have given me is awesome and I will cherish it forever as I keep it unopened.  Next gift please.”  This sounds ridiculous and if you were the gift giver that had just spent a lot of money on an amazing gift you'd be encouraging your sweetheart "Open the gift!  Try it on!  Do you see the inscription with your name on it and what I said?  Put it on and let's see how great it looks on you!"

Christ’s love for us is much the same way.  He came as a gift to the world displaying the Father's love and affection for us while we were still sinners.  His life isn't a gift that is simply received in our minds and affirmed in a prayer.  He paid with everything for you to have something that is experienced.  He came for you to be transformed by love.  That's not a theological truth detached from your life.  No, you were created for it and he's wanting you to put in on - this gift that is life abundant - life to the full measure of what you were created for.  This gift is meant for joy - your in-joy-ment.  "Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the one who takes refuge in him" Psalms 34:8 (NIV)

The word repent has been misunderstood to mean - "feel bad".  Repenting is much more like receiving a gift that changes the way you think.  John the Baptist told the crowds, "Repent, for the kingdom of heaven has come near."  He saw Jesus and wanted the people to realize the truth at hand - there is something for you to open.  That gift is Jesus.  Once the gift is opened we see the truth about how God, the Father, the gift giver, feels about us.  I was just given WHAT! This is amazing. He really loves me.  Our thinking isn't just changed by a truth that's appealing but by beholding the Gift and the Giver.  You can’t wear what you've only dreamed about.  You have to open what’ been given to you.  You have to take off the tag and wear it.  Receiving is practically acting out what's been provided to you - one gift - the lamb who takes away the sins of the world (John 1:29).

The gift of revelation comes when you position yourself to see differently.  I know I'm loved because I've encountered the one that loves me best.  I knew the Grand Canyon was big when I saw pictures of it and read about it but when I went there it hit me, "this thing is huge!" As soon as I saw it in person I wanted to come back again.  Now, you can read about God's love and even talk about it with others but only by positioning yourself to taste and see will you encounter love.

You are so loved.  There is a currency that is being deposited into your heart. This currency is God's amazing love for you.  Receiving His love is the first step towards amazing thinking.  How do you receive what's in your account?  You draw on it.  Changing the way you think begins in saying yes to the amazing gift of Jesus.  Say yes and open this gift for the first time today or, if you've already done so, do it again and then again tomorrow and repeat on the following day.  It's the gift that keeps on giving and Jesus looks so good revealed in you.

Kingdom = Family

God’s plan to extend His government (the Garden of Eden) was through a man and a woman living in His presence, eating and drinking from things that He designed for them and creating a family that existed inside the culture of the King.  The momentum of this posture would overflow into family and spill out past the Garden into the rest of the world.  Why would this work?  Because the momentum of a family that is rooted and established in God’s love is the greatest kingdom influencing force on the planet.  It is the image of God and how He relates to Himself (The Father, The Son & Holy Spirit).

The commission of God given to Adam & Eve in the Garden of Eden and the commission Jesus gave this disciples shares this key.  Everything was to overflow from being in His Presence.  The same God that said "Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it" is the one who said "Go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit".  Being made in the image of God and being carriers of God's Presence is His intention for your life.

One way I’ve accepted the commission of God is by focusing on my family and those relationships that I have the most input into. This is what creates momentum and it’s how God works - from the inside out.  My life is made for history changing significance.  This means that I’m responsible to be plugged into His Presence and bear fruit from being connected to more than attributes and aspects of God but positioned in God Himself.  He is Joy.  He is Peace... Love... Power... Purity... Righteousness...  

As a son of God I’m showing up in my region to encourage those who know Jesus Christ as Lord.  To those that don't know how much this Good Father loves them I go to show them the kindness of Heaven.  In the areas of darkness (hopelessness, stress, disorder, etc) I go with His Presence to displace and intercede with the posture of one who calls the dry bones to life.  Walking in the awareness that Christ in me is the hope of glory gives me perspective to stay close to the Father’s heart.  When one shows up as a son of God nothing is impossible.

Game On

It’s been awhile since my last post and a lot has occurred in the past few months. Back in June 2010, I spent a month out at Bethel Church in Redding, CA attending Bethel’s School of Supernatural Worship (BSSW). My hopes in going were to learn more about songwriting and worship but more importantly I was hoping for a proverbial diving board where I would find myself new opportunities to jump into from my current life experience – or in other words to get a job that I actually liked. While in Redding I was heavily impacted through some close encounters with God that revealed to me how I had been living at a lower level in terms of my potential for life in my city. 

Part of BSSW is a week-long event called the Kingdom conference which focuses on how to bring the kingdom of heaven to earth. In Matthew 6:10 Jesus tells his disciples to pray like this to the Father:

“Your kingdom come,Your will be done,
On earth as it is in heaven.“

I’ve heard this verse for years and would honestly tell you that I lived my life towards this goal. During the sessions of the Kingdom conference I realized job descriptions, expectations in personal circles and reinforced cultural values in my hometown of Newport News had dictated my plans for life. Simply put, I had never dreamed of what heaven would look like in my own city.

I began digesting and meditating upon what this meant and heard beating in my heart a desire to see people’s lives transformed, dreams awakened and a city come alive to its full potential. If I had had this limitation in my life to dream with God who else is under this ceiling of past situations, unstable economy and cultural values rooted in what can be achieved on our own. What would Newport News look like if people started dreaming from heaven-to-earth and were in touch with their true destiny as sons and daughters of the living God? What would heaven look like in Newport News?

So in August of 2010 Charissa and I began the process of becoming the pastors of Restoration Christian Center. “Wait, you did what?”… you may be thinking. To summarize our journey, we had previously thought that I’d be strictly doing music and worship and Charissa likes to travel so we’d be “musicianaries”, making music, being emersed in the arts, travelling around sharing our gifts – being sent out by our local church family. Heck, we even made cards up for it so that people could pray for us and support us. What we’ve realized along the search for a “better job” was that we have hearts much bigger than our own personal ministry. We have vision to engage those around us to start living as sons and daughters of God in every situation, in every moment, with eyes on bringing God’s environment – heaven - here to earth. It was no longer about getting a better job but about “how” could we live our lives fully engaged to this calling. Without looking the opportunity to serve as leaders of our local church opened up before us and we knew that this was part of how we could fully release our hearts cry and in January of 2011 we officially took over that position.

We know that we’re just ordinary people. We also know that our story is part of a bigger story. Yes, I’m a husband and father who also likes to write and record songs. Yes, I have been dissatisfied spending the majority of my days as a corporate sales guy. My life however, isn’t made perfect when I do the things that I want to do or that I think makes me happy but when I usher in the eternal goodness of God into each 24 hour day, wherever I may be. Jesus said, “Whatever the Father does, these things the Son also does in like manner.” (John 5:19) It is the same for me to do that which only my Father is doing. Funny thing here is my dad, on earth, John Crowder happened to be the previous pastor at the church we now pastor and my grandfather started the church in the 70's. You would have thought I would've seen this coming – nope.

I’m become hungry to be more than I previously thought possible. I now see my life with a significant part to play and that significance lies in who I’m attached to not what I can accomplish. I live to be an encourager to people, to see them released from ‘normal’ thinking and to start expecting the impossible, to help shake up the mindset of our living generations and share withe everyone the reality of a Father God who moves in love and power here in my city.

Game on.

3 generations of pastors
(From left to right - My dad John Crowder, my grandfather John Romaine, my mother Mary Romaine Crowder, my son Asher & me)

Music For The People

For awhile now I've known I should hit the streets with my guitar and take what I do outside. While in Redding, CA I was feeling the urge to sing songs on the streets and in the shopping centers of Newport News. In many cities around the world it's not uncommon to see a "busker" (or street performer) out making a little money playing in front of people with an open case. In the city of Newport News it's not common at all.

For the past couple of months I've been doing this and my experiences have been many. I have had the opportunity to pray with folks, encourage the passerby and entertain those who have walked by me since I've "gone public". I've sang impromptu duets with folks that want to get in on the fun and share their song. I've been asked "why didn't you ever go professional?". I've been told how I remind someone of a son or brother who is a musician. I've been told I was panhandling by the police and asked to leave. I've been encouraged to sing/play through amplifiers so that "everybody can hear you". I've been given $20 bills and penny's. I've had folks in wheelchairs give me money. Little children have often walked up to me with awe in their eyes that someone is actually playing guitar and singing OUTSIDE often with single dollars in their hands to throw in my guitar case. I've worshiped God in front of retail stores. I've entertained mini-vans who parked in front of my spot so that someone can roll down the window and listen. Goth kids, elderly folks, white and black people, store managers, professionals, vagabonds, mothers & fathers have all told me that they like what I'm doing. At once I've been affirmed as a performer and made some money to buy pizza for the night. How fun.

These days are the kind that many feel are full of fear. Folks are grasping for something that just seems to be out of reach. They see a better life for their families but just can't get there through all the dangers, toils and snares of the times. Strummed melodies and heart songs connect strangers. They have the potential to put us in a better mood. They rally us together when a noble theme is present. Joy and dreams come alive as we join in and soon the storm has been calmed long enough for us to see what's ahead. A favorite of mine during this time has been to sing Johnny Cash's version of U2's song "One" and I've been struck with the shared journey we all are on. We are all on a journey and we need each other to get there. In "One" Bono sings, "We're one but we're not the same. We've got to carry each other, carry each other. One."

photo by Tomascastelazo

Up, up and upstate!

Back home after a great trip to upstate New York. Charissa and I packed up a Honda Civic full with 3 kids, guitar gear and enough clothes to make it through the weekend. This was our first foray onto "the road" where we would be sharing what is on our hearts and leading others into a personal encounter with the Father. We were asked to come to New Hope Christian Community Church, where my father-in-law serves as pastor, minister to the church and spend extra time with family. On Saturday night I led worship and spoke about what it means to worship in Spirit and Truth (John 4:23). Charissa had invited a team of dancers from another local church to come and join with us as we were wanting to facilitate a place where people could let loose and be encouraged in the arts/talents. Sunday morning I led the band for the song service and gave a message called "Live like Jesus in 3 Easy Steps".

(L to R - Ezra sleeping, NY hills, faithful old guitar amp, SpiderMan on the road)

It was great to come to a place where we could be free to be ourselves, have ample time to do what we wanted and have someone watch the kids! Not often have Charissa and I both been able to be in the meetings together and minister together. She gave an intro for me at both services and had some great times praying for folks where encouraging and prophetic words were given. I know that during worship the first night Charissa's shoulder was healed without anyone praying for her. She had been having muscle cramps and limited movement and realized after the worship set that she was pain-free.

The trip was a blast. The folks there gave testimony to being touched by the Lord while we were there and fresh perspective of God's creativity and Jesus' redemptive side we're seen by many. For us, we had fun. There's always a trial or two (sibling rivalry in the backseat or general disgust from the baby in the backseat that just wants the driving to come to an end) and there's always reason to be thankful. I have reason to believe that God is more interested in working with us than through us. His desires have drawn us into this quest to see people's identities awakened. We push forward and look forward to the next trip.

You are Resplendent and Majestic...

It's been a little over a year since I participated in an event that changed not only Hampton Roads but possibly the nation. The Blaze Manifesto took place last July and was a release of sound from the womb of the nation, in the Historic Triangle (Jamestown - Yorktown - Williamsburg). This public declaration of intentions to revisit the infancy of the nation and call forth her true destiny in this hour of spiritual vapidness and despair was birthed out of a vision given to my friends Josiah & Ashley VanFleet. For the three days of July 3rd, 4th & 5th worshipers from all over the USA converged on these three cities in Virginia, where the United States had it's foundation built, and cried out for the land, declared their love for Jesus and beat drums, guitars, pianos and anything else that makes a noise in adoration to God.
There were no food tents, funnel cakes or merry go rounds to attract a crowd here. There were professional musicians who came and gave their talents with no billboard or lights for their names. There were dozens of volunteers who gave freely of themselves in the heat of July. All that gathered were there for the One Thing, Jesus Christ - and to lift up His name in the fields and cities which our nation's history hinged upon.
The sites had been strategically chosen and each musician/band was asked to pray about which day they should play. My family came to Jamestown in 1619, just 12 years after the first ships came down the James River. I was definitely feeling a pull to my roots as I had an opportunity to worship at the site where my forefathers had arrived some 400 years earlier. A decision was made to play all new material as I felt Father God leading me to break forth into songs of joy. I had a handful of songs that I felt could work but had no plan and no band.
I had been playing this summer at some Burn 24/7 prayer furnace events and had come across a drummer and a guitar player (Jeremiah Queen - drums; Sean Crewe - guitar) that I felt would be good guys to worship with that day. I asked my good friend, Bruce Raiford, to play acoustic guitar and sing backup vox as he has a true worshipers heart and has a knack for picking out great harmonies in a written or spontaneous song. Next I needed a bass player and I asked Josiah who was ok with it. In the few days before the event Josiah gave me a ring and suggested a backing singer that was a friend of his who was female and had a great heart and voice (Jessica McGee Lake) and a bass player who was coming down for Detroit that would allow Josiah switch to keyboards named Terrel Pierce. Josiah had heard great things from Burn 24/7 director, Sean Feucht about Terrel and thought he could jump on stage and pull it off. I went along and thought that God would put together the band he wanted as we pushed forward with the event.

Fast forward to the day of the Blaze Manifesto and I can't hold my pen to write my set list. I was feeling an overwhelming amount of stress and couldn't settle myself as it was starting to feel like a panic was on me. I asked Sean Crewe to write out a second copy of a song for me so I could sit for a minute and news was that neither Jessica or Terrel was to be accounted for with only 15 minutes to play. Now I had played music with Bruce for years and twice with Jeremiah and Sean but I hadn't even met Jessica or Terrel yet and we were about to worship together as a group. Moments before I had been given the lyrics to a verse and a chorus for a brand new song I felt God was leading us to play called "We Say Your Name" but I had yet to play these. In the next 5 minutes I met Terrel and Jessica, we prayed as a group and set up our gear in the tent area where the bands would play from. I felt a connection with the Lord to not get swamped down in all the heaviness of what our nation was in desperate need for but a desire to bask in His presence and what Father God thinks of me/us.

Our set together was the first and last time I have played with all these people. The sound that we created pulled down Heaven that day as identity in Christ was revealed and a delight for the King of Kings resonated in that field for all to see and experience. In the past year I have mixed the set of songs that we committed to God that day and have called them "Resplendent & Majestic", which is from Psalm 76 speaking of the Lord. I've spoken with a local pastor from Williamsburg who says that the Blaze Manifesto shifted the atmosphere in those cities - "you can feel it in the air". For those who took place in this event you know what occurred and we burn every day to represent the King.

Below are two recordings from sets at the Blaze Manifesto. These are available for download. As you listen, join with the Father's heart for our nation and pray.




I was also a part of my friend Josiah's band on the final day in Yorktown. The band is called Jehu Riders. Check this out for loud and unhinged worship.

Three Easy Steps to Blogdom.

Step 1. Watch a movie about a girl who starts a blog and ends up writing a book that gets turned into a movie. (“Julie and Julia”, a great movie, I thought.)

Up until this point I’ve never even read a blog. My only experience with them is judging bloggers as slightly arrogant and a little bit too self invested. But now I’m thinking “Hey, I could do that. I’m pretty funny and surely others think so too!”. I mean, how hard can it be to talk about yourself? I didn’t really mean that bloggers are arrogant, more like- reflective. And I don’t think they’re self invested, but rather generous to share themselves with others. Yeah, that’s much closer to what I meant. So before Scott went off to California I told him that we should start a blog when he returns.

Step 2 (in two parts). Part One. Think about how fabulous your blog will be. Come up with lots of ideas.

Scott was gone for 3 weeks, the final week of which the kids and I spent in upstate New York at my parents’ house. Then, from there we picked up Scott at the airport and went camping in Vermont with my family. Of the 16 of us, 7 were under 7 yrs old, so that was…well another story. Needless to say, I didn’t start writing right away. I did, however, see every event and conversation as potential blog material. Recipes, quotes, invention ideas, life lessons…boy this will be easy! I have so much to tell the world and they will gobble it up like bon-bons. How very excited I was!

Step 2. Part Two. Begin to panic, overanalyze, and doubt your general appeal to the masses.

I was still in Part one mode when we arrived home from our vacation. Scott set up a blog page, we came up with a name and he made the first post. Now it was my turn. Nooo problem. I’ll just wait a day or two. Ok, maybe a few more days, we wouldn’t want to bombard anyone. By now I’m starting to feel the pressure. Who’s going to care what I have to say? And having your words in print, albeit e-print, is scary. I consider myself competent with the English language but I’m no poet and certainly not as clever as I’d like. So now I’m completely frozen with fear. Oddly enough, I intend for the subject of my first post to be fear. I can imagine that after I make my post the followers start retracting their followerships. (Oooh, made up words. Another good post idea.) Fortunately my fear of being a chicken is greater than my fear of stinking and I make my first post.

Step 3. Read a young mom’s blog (making my grand total of blogs ever read, including my own, 2!) Find inspiration and encouragement again.

As I read her words I identified with her emotions and thought processes. As she shared her adventures I couldn’t help but notice that life’s gold nuggets are often found in the small things. I’m the kind of person that, although I like to talk about the small stuff in life, I am always drawn to deeper things. Emotions, fears, dreams. I probably over analyze everything, myself included. But it stems from a desire to help and connect with people. So maybe this is what it’s all about- connecting with people.
As I continue to add to this blog, I’ll do my best to not be too preachy and intense! I’ll try to be open and honest about life and all its twists and turns, and to share the little things with you. I’ll even try to be funny…if you promise to laugh. Turns out that the gap between running your mouth and typing out your thoughts is much more vast than I knew.